before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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