i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ttyl tear gas
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
