i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
