Soap is not a condiment
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
