I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
