my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
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We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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