Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
