I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
