i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
