Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
