and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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