You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
