I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
