I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
