But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
