I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
