The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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