what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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