we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
