I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
