I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
