Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
