Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
