The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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