Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
