Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
