good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
