I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
