Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
