he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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