I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
they need to just BURY HIM!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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