Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
