Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
