I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
