I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
