the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
