I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
