last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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