I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
