Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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