The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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