Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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