Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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