Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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