i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
