I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
