i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
