so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
