he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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