Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
