We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
